Michelle

In starting my fitness journey in 2005, I knew that what I was about to start I had to commit to for a lifetime, which terrified me. I found that once I got over the fear of exercising though (anyone else face humiliation in high school phys ed classes?), I actually enjoyed what I was doing. Sure, there were moments of dread, but I actually loved the rush of accomplishing my goals or the drive to continue trying to meet an elusive one (see my old blog entry: April 16, 2006).

Then I got a bit cocky at my peak fitness and slacked off for a while, then a while longer, then even longer. Excuses grew. Soon my dress size went up one size as the scale started creeping upwards, and I rationalized to myself that I was under a lot of personal stress (which I was, but it was an excuse). Finally, I tweaked my eating habits a bit, paying attention to what I ate and the creep stopped and even reversed a bit. By this time, I found I dreaded the thought of exercising because I knew I’d have to face my demons head on; facing how much fitness I lost made me shrink back and hide from myself. Couldn’t I just do this with a change in my eating habits alone?

Turns out the answer is a resounding “No!”

Despite some fear and self-loathing at having gained weight in the past two years and losing much of my strength and endurance, there’s a part of me that not only loves a challenge but also knows what I’m capable of when I just go out and get ‘er done. Sure, running for the first time again was shocking; I’d gone a long way from the fitness of my half marathon and was breathing heavy after a few short minutes. And lifting weights, how little I could lift without strain was sobering. But every day is a new day with new choices to make, and every day I can choose to face those demons and just do what I have to do. And I know the joy of a good workout is mine again. And then comes the smaller dress size. And the realization that I have to ratchet it up a notch because it has become too easy. And the beautiful powerful arms. And the half marathon. You get the picture.

Then that becomes my life. No excuses.