~Jenn

I’ve been mulling over this post for a while. Mainly because it’s hard to admit to everyone (including me) that, holy crap, I so do not feel like exercising right now.

Why?

Because I’m bored. Bored and depressed. And that’s NOT a good combo.

I’m bored with weights. I’m bored with going to the gym. I’m having trouble thinking up a new goal, and really, I just want to hang out on my couch and do nothing. I want to drink Riesling and watch bad TV.

There. I said it.

This will probably surprise a few people; last weekend I ran the Warrior Dash in Seattle (6K run + 10 obstacles) and am doing another WD next weekend on Mt Seymour; I’m making plans to do the Grouse Grind with various friends every week; I’m trying a new spin class Wednesdays at lunch; and I’m looking at starting either boxing or indoor rock climbing in the fall. I’ve even debated doing a Tough Mudder, a 15-ish km run with 20 obstacles. And anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows how much I fucking hate running.

When I was losing weight I had a goal. I reached that goal. I’ve had a few goals since then – roller-derby (derailed permanently by injury) then Warrior Dash last year, then injury again, then Warrior Dash again. But right now I’m goal-less. I honestly don’t really want to do Tough Mudder – if it was all obstacles sure, but it isn’t. I’m mildly interested in Boxing. I’m a bit more interested in Rock Climbing. But you know, they seem like a lot of work. And I’m not in the mood to do work right now. It has even crossed my mind more than a few times in my darker moments lately to say fuck it, cancel my gym membership, and let the chips fall where they may.

Seriously.

Am I going to do that?

No. No I’m not.

Intellectually I can recognize that I’m not in the best head space right now. That eating cheesecake and lazing about will make my clothes not fit, damage my physical and mental health, and destroy my hard-won self esteem. And I like looking good. Sue me.

But I’d be lying if I said it’s always easy-peasy and how awesome and super-motivated I am and how don’t you wish you were just like me? I’m as prone to lack of motivation and laziness and depression as anyone else is. But I’ve been successful because when I feel like saying fuck it, I don’t.  Right now I’m focusing on setting my life up to make it as easy as I can to keep it on the rails; coming up with new goals,making working out more fun, leaning on my friends a bit (they harass me mercilessly to do sometimes insane physical shite, thanks you guys 😛 ), getting motivation from the successes of other people I know, eating well, sleeping well, and just… doing it. There is no magic pill, and there is no Secret. I just suck it up and fucking do it, and wait for the fog to clear again, like I know it will.

But Arg. It sucks right now.